Breaking the Myths & Finding What Works for You
When you hear the phrase “self-care,” what pops in your mind? Do you imagine bubble baths, cozy blankets, and indulgent treats? While those things can certainly feel nice, real self-care goes much deeper—and it’s not always comfortable or easy.
Popular culture often paints self-care as luxury—something you do when you’re “done” with all your responsibilities. But real self-care isn’t a reward; it’s a necessity.
According to experts at Psychology Today, self-care means tuning into your needs on a physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual level—and then taking intentional actions to meet those needs consistently. It involves setting boundaries, asking for help, and sometimes making hard decisions.
I can recall a time when I used to think self-care meant waiting until I was burned out before taking a break. I’d push through stress and call it ‘strong.’ But over time, I realized true strength meant resting before I was exhausted. Now, my self-care includes journaling in silence, saying no without guilt, and making space for joy—even if the to-do list isn’t done.
That last one—making space for joy—was hard for me. I used to feel guilty when I didn’t finish my to-do list and didn’t do anything I actually enjoyed. Ever been there? It’s like being tired and unfulfilled at the same time. How did it make you feel?
Now that we’ve explored what self-care isn’t, let’s take a look at what self-care IS!
Self-care is deeply personal and varies based on your circumstances, of course. It’s not one size fits all. But that’s also why you’re here, to figure out what self-care is and I’m going to give you some really good starting points of what self-care is.
Here are some examples:
- Saying “no” to extra commitments to protect your energy.
- Seeking therapy or journaling to process emotions.
- Prioritizing sleep and rest even when there’s work to do.
- Having honest conversations, even if they’re difficult.
- Setting healthy boundaries with people who drain you.
Each of these examples has the same goal: to help you build a life you don’t feel the need to constantly escape from. OHM Gracious!! What a thought! What would it feel like to say no when you mean no, instead of meandering through a task you don’t have the energy for? Or letting your child know that you can play with them, but after mommy has 10 minutes to herself? Or standing firm on a boundary with a difficult person? Being able to advocate for ourselves, gives us energy and sustainability, not survival hood.
A 2020 study published in the International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health showed that consistent self-care reduces burnout, improves emotional well-being, and boosts resilience. It’s not just “nice to have”—it’s essential for mental health.
But since everyone’s needs change, self-care isn’t one-size-fits-all. It’s about listening to your body and mind and adapting.
So how do we continually adapt to our self-care needs? R+ESC! You’re probably asking, “what the HECK does that mean!?” I’ll break it down:
R- Reflect: What messages have you received about self-care? Are they serving you or stressing you out?
Ex: “If I’m not being productive, I’m lazy”—so you struggle to rest without guilt.
Reframe: “I’m feeling a bit tired, it’s time to rest.”
E- Experiment: Try different activities and habits. Notice what feels genuinely nourishing versus what feels like a chore or escape.
Journaling in nature → helps you feel connected ✅
Scrolling for hours → makes you feel disconnected ❌
S- Set Boundaries: Learn to say no kindly but firmly. Protect your time and energy.
Setting a boundary with a friend:
“I love hearing from you, but I don’t have the emotional space for this right now.”
C- Check-in Regularly: Your needs evolve, so your self-care should too.
Noticing you feel disconnected → shift from solo journaling to connecting with community. Or vice versa!
Asking yourself weekly: “What do I need more of? Less of?”
I’m going to try something new, and you all tell me if you like this or not, throughout this post I’ve asked some open-ended questions to hopefully inspire or spark some new thoughts. If you feel safe enough, you can answer them in the “comment box” below or you can answer them in your free time and just let me know how they worked out for you. I look forward to your feedback!
I just want to end this post by saying real self-care is messy, imperfect, and ever-changing. But it’s also powerful and healing. When you prioritize yourself—not as a luxury but as a necessity—you build a foundation for long-term wellness and peace.
Take 5 minutes today to ask yourself: What does self-care look like for me—right now, in this season? There’s no perfect answer. Just start where you are.
Until next time,
💛 Tishona
Selfie Care Therapy
Beneath The Skin 
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